Winter Retreat 2012

"You have made us for Yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You." - St.Augustine

Going into retreat, I had so many fears about leading this small group. I kept thinking, “How am I going to be there for these girls? Are they going to be able to relate to me? What if I’m not silly enough, cool enough? How are they going to be able to share their hearts with me?…..” I knew how important our time was, but I was honestly terrified about not being what I needed and desperately wanted to be. But God knew what he was doing when he brought all 8 of us together…even though I had no clue. Little did I know that I would have such a life-changing couple of days with girls I barely knew coming in! God used our week together to allow us to be transparent, to reveal and better understand our woundedness, and receive healing in Him together in ways I never saw coming. So incredibly privileged to see and experience hearts thirsting for holiness, for transformation, for grace. I can’t express how much I look forward to continue growing and learning with you beautiful beautiful ladies. So thankful for every one of you! J

"It is openness to the whole, to the infinite, that makes man complete. Man is man by reaching out infinitely beyond himself and he is consequently more of a man the less enclosed he is in himself, the less "limited" he is. For - let me repeat - that man is most man, indeed the true man, who is most unlimited, who not only has contact with the infinite - the infinite being! - but is one with him: Jesus Christ."        
                                                    
                                                                                            - Introduction to Christianity

A people of thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving. I’ve been hearing a lot about thanksgiving for quite some time this season…and not only hearing about it but talking about it too. And it’s sooo good to be excited, excited to give thanks! We should do it often and wholeheartedly. With all ourselves and with great enthusiasm!  We have every reason to be a people bursting in thanksgiving. There’s so much to be thankful for, and we need only look around us to see about a million reasons.

It’s actually the day after Thanksgiving, but yesterday was quick and busy. I had a great time with my family, cooking with my sister, sharing great meal times, relaxing, chatting. But now that the hustle and bustle that comes with pretty much any holiday is over, I want to take the time to take in and quietly reflect on what this time is all about.

Gratitude, thanksgiving. Joy.

The three are distinct but also intricately connected. If we aren’t experiencing one, we’re kinda missing the mark. What is life without gratitude? Without thanksgiving? Without joy?

It’s easy to express thankfulness, to say “thank you”…but do we really feel it in our hearts? Do we mean it? Are we simply putting on the facade of thanksgiving or actually giving thanks?

I had to ask myself a lot recently:

1. Do I appreciate what God has blessed me with? Or am I constantly asking for more?

                Often, our “thankfulness” is accompanied by a surprising “need” to accumulate more. Let’s face the ugly facts…sometimes, thanksgiving time brings out the worst in us. It brings out our ingratitude and hunger for more… especially as shoppers. Why is that? Yesterday, I decided to venture out for Black Friday sales to see what all the talk was about…and now I get why it's sometimes called “Midnight madness”….it really was madness. Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely a fan of sales. I rummaged through all the sale papers, did my share of research, and even had a list of go-to stores for the night. I was all set. But….by the time I got there and experienced the “madness”…I quickly had enough. It’s surprising to believe that we had just celebrated “thanksgiving” for what we have. How far will we go to get what we want/”need”? If I have all things…but do not have love…I am nothing (1 Cor 13).

It makes sense that we would be unsatisfied here. While we should be forever grateful, our hearts should long for more. We were made for more. What we’ve experienced so far is only a foretaste. We are appreciative, but also living in hope of eternity with our Lord. For everlasting joy and endless celebration of thanksgiving to God. But my longing for the infinite cannot be met in finite things. We must stop searching and let Him fill and consume us. 

2. Do I compare my gifts, talents, blessings, lives with others? By quality or number?

                God gives graciously to all as He sees fitting and as they need it. He knows our hearts. And as scripture tells us, “all good-giving and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father of lights (James 1).” He gives perfect gifts, and if my life is a gift perfectly-given…then I have no need to compare!

3. Do I feel thankful and express it in the way that I live?

I desperately fail in giving thanks sometimes. Most times. Almost all the time.

To give thanks we must first experience a reason to be thankful in our hearts. We must have gratitude. Gratitude is that overwhelming experience of love and appreciation for something. When we feel truly grateful for something, it pours out in the way that we live. We give of ourselves to others more freely. We live with great joy and peace.

Throughout the busyness of “celebrating” and “doing”, I had to stop several times and ask myself….”Am I truly grateful or am I waiting around for the next momentary pleasure or gift? How can I better live gratefulness?”

Gratitude, thanksgiving, joy.

Gratitude for the immeasurable blessings and grace over my life. Joy in living the life granted to me, the ability to experience it, and specifically joy in where I am with God right now. And thanks-giving for everything. For the goodness of the material things but more importantly the spiritual ones. For His faithfulness and provision, the gift of faith, adoption by the Father through the Son, His sacrificial cross, experiencing His love, a faith family – the Church, and the hope of oneness with Him eternally.

"The Eucharist, the sacrament of our salvation accomplished by Christ on the cross, is also a sacrifice of praise in thanksgiving for the work of creation. In Eucharistic sacrifice the whole of creation loved by God is presented to the Father through the death and Resurrection of Christ. Through Christ the Church can offer the sacrifice of praise in thanksgiving for all that God has made good, beautiful, and just in creation and in humanity.

The Eucharist is a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the Father, a blessing by which the Church expresses her gratitude to God for all his benefits, for all that he has accomplished through creation, redemption, and sanctification. Eucharist means first of all "thanksgiving."

The Eucharist is also the sacrifice of praise by which the Church sings the glory of God in the name of all creation. This sacrifice of praise is only possible through Christ: he unites the faithful to his person, to his praise, and to his intercession, so that the sacrifice of praise to the Father is offered through Christ and with him, to be accepted in him." - CCC 1359-1361

Let’s take time to consider our blessings, time to engage in them, and time to notice those quiet whisperings of God…those moments especially infused with His spirit.

God, make us always a people of thanksgiving. 

It's definitely easier to blog about learned truths than it is to live them. Praying for the grace to do both.

Our Lord to St.Faustina:

"You see what you are of yourself, but do not be frightened at this. If I were to reveal to you the whole misery that you are, you would die of terror. However, be aware of what you are. Because you are such great misery, I have revealed to you the whole ocean of My mercy."                                            
                                                                                      - From the diary of St.Faustina Kowalska

 Plunging deeply and blindly into the unwavering depths of His abundant mercy.

The heart is rich when it is content, and it is content when its desires are set upon God's Will. -- St. Miguel of Ecuador

Has anyone hoped in the Lord and been disappointed?

This week I've been preparing for the GRE, which I finally took this morning. Most of the early part of my week was filled with madness. In my heart and in my head. I am absolutely certain that the GRE is definitely not the hardest thing I'll ever do, but I tend to make everything a big, big deal. I'm a drama queen and a perfectionist. Reeeally bad combination. My need for control and perfection has become a burden I unnecessarily take on. It leaves me worn.

Lately, I've been consumed with somewhat of an obsession with my future (actually not somewhat consumed..but excessively). While studying for the GRE, I've been thinking almost constantly about the grad school application process. About grad school in general. Whether I'll make it through or even get in. Why I'm doing this. I get caught up in this foolish 'need' sometimes to know where God will take me, how I'll turn out after all this is over, what parts of my plans He'll salvage.

Now that all the craziness is over, I started thinking back on my week and began feeling a sense of disappointment in myself, seeing a lot of moments where I could have done better. I realized there were so many instances I was so focused on myself that I was blind to the needs of others. I recalled how I reacted in moments of frustration. And most of all I recognized how little of the time I spent alone (practically living in my room) studying and pouring over my books was spent in prayer.

And boy did I feel the disunity, the emptiness of not giving myself over to Him. How I hate when I do that! Why do I do that? I was restless, body and soul. I wasted so much time planning and excessively worrying about how much there was to do that I barely got anything done. My mind was fried. My stomach was in knots. I couldn't eat. I felt so, so sick.

It showed in my relationships. In my temper. In my lack of patience. It showed in my prayer life.

Thankfully though about halfway through the week, after a few emotional meltdowns and talks with good friends who attempted to pour sense into me, God hit me pretty hard with a gentle reminder from my sister. She simply told me that I needed to spend some good time in prayer.

And I was like, "Wow...so true." She saw a need that I hadn't yet recognized. The moment she said it, I started feeling at ease. Crazy, right? It sounds so simple. But it is so simple. Why hadn't I thought of that? Let me tell you. Sometimes, I forget that I desperately need God. I try to do whatever I can on my own without running to Him, without sharing with Him, without putting my confidence in Him. Without Him. And its pointless. Its meaningless. Its not what I was made for...but I do it. Over and over again.

"Oh you of little faith."

And I was reminded that I don't want to be a hoarder. I don't want to hoard anything. Everything of mine belongs to our Lord. My time (from the moment I awake to when I sleep and everything in between), my energy, my skills, my education, my family, my every breath, my everything. I would want Him to say to me, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." A servant knows that he lives to serve. A faithful server serves well and faithfully. I don't want to claim anything as my own, and that's true even in my vocation as a student. We simply do our part and let God do His.

Why worry when I've "already entrusted it to our Lord"...or so I say...

I ultimately desire that everything I do be about Him, but sometimes I become overly concerned with my own welfare...instead of leaving it to the One in whom all things come to be. Earlier this week, I was so caught up in anxiety, in control, and in myself that I lost sight of Him. He wants me to surrender my burdens, but I keep clenching them tightly. At the end of the day I have to ask myself, who/what am I laboring for?...for our Lord or for myself?...for food that perishes or for the Bread of Life? (John 6). Is the ground I'm on sinking sand or built upon a solid rock foundation with Christ as cornerstone (Matt 7)?

So while it's perfectly acceptable to get in what I call 'Olympian mode' at times to give our duties our very best (which was pretty much me this week with studying) how much more necessary is it to get caught up in things for the Lord? To pour our very selves into doing what pleases Him. To train ourselves in godliness, so that we can be imitators. "What good is it to gain the world and lose my soul?"

"For to this end we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe." - (1 Timothy 4:10)

"Has anyone hoped in the Lord and been disappointed?"

Bottomless coffee, God's bottomless love

Matthew 5:38-42 speaks about going a second mile.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

I read this portion of Matthew 5 and think..it sounds like a lot of work. To go a second mile with someone, we must be willing to go one mile first. I have to admit, sometimes I don't even make it that far. I don't always react with love, with sweetness, with gentleness. My pride gets in the way. And as Christians, sometimes we think we're doing something really awesome and good when we react well to those who have wronged us, hurt us, or belittled us. When experiencing difficult situations or conversations we throw our "love" at them with a prideful, "Aha. Take that! I'm gonna be the better man." But are we really any better? Are we ever less prone to temptation, anger, pride, or really any vice than our neighbor? No.

And while it's definitely important and necessary to respond well...
what if instead of simply reacting well in love, we made initiatives to love?

Instead of saying "yes" to friends that ask for rides...what if we volunteered rides?
Instead of saying "yes" to those who ask for prayers...what if we always offered to pray and reassured them of prayers? Without being told.
Instead of internally cringing or hesitating when someone says those often dreaded words, "Can you do me a favor?"...what if we gave a 100% willing, unconditional, and enthusiastic "yes"?

What I mean to say is... Instead of merely agreeing to do things for others, what if we offered? What if we initiated whole-heartedly? Instead of sparingly serving love to one another, what if we poured it out unto others lavishily, without measure, without reserve.

Let's be real, most of the time...we are unwilling. Or we just plain don't think of it.  We're so concerned with ourselves. Our schedule. Our time. Our money. Our success. Our priorities. And in the midst of being consumed/obsessed with ourselves....we neglect others. But one thing is always true...Christ shows His love towards us by laying down his life. What if we believers did the same? Laid down our lives...not only by reacting in love...but by initiating love towards all men. Just as God both initiates and reacts in love...we show who Christ is by both.

Today, just as I walked into Zera's for my weekly coffee/study day, God poured out a cup of kindness towards me through a complete stranger. He was somewhat older and sat in his wheelchair at one of the long wooden tables. Just as I was passing, he turned to me and introduced himself as Todd. I noticed immediately that he had a severe stutter. We only spoke briefly, but he was warm and inviting. He asked me about the usual..my major (Speech Pathology), the ministry I'm involved in in Denton, my church. And I thought to myself..."Well, that was sweet." People don't usually just strike up conversation with people they don't know like that.

A little later, I went to the counter to get an iced coffee, and Todd was there paying his tab. As soon as he saw me, he told the cashier that he wanted to get something for his 'new friend'. And as much as I politely refused, he graciously persisted. I finally submitted and picked the cheapest thing on the menu that I could possibly find. And as I think to myself, "Oh, no, this is just too much. So nice....," he asked the cashier if my drink came with free refills. When she said "No" he said, "Okay, then make it a bottomless." In my head, I'm thinking...."Oh man...his kindness towards me just never ends. I shouldn't be getting a bottomless...I can barely finish just a small size...He's really wasting his money. He doesn't even know me...."

And as I stay to talk to him for a bit at the counter while he finishes paying, he just tells me that they'll bring the coffee out to where I'm sitting. I don't even know what to tell him in response to the unexpected sweetness...but he says that it was a pleasure meeting me. Imagine that. The pleasure was all mine Mr.Todd...who I will probably never meet again. I was astounded.

I have to say...it got me thinking... Why can't more people be like that? Why can't I be like that? Would I have ever even thought of doing that for someone I didn't know. Probably not.

What if people always cared for each other like that? Not acting only out of duty or obligation or necessity (because we don't know how to say "no" when people ask us for things) but volunteering to love...volunteering to give of ourselves graciously...just as God the Father fully gives of himself to us...because we want to say "yes."

How can we better live out the sacrificial love of Jesus? By sacrificing time and convenience to be there for others. And not only those who are close or important to us. But to every person...because of simply that...they are a person.

I want to be open and willing to go the extra mile for others.

I pray the words of John 13:35...that "By this the world will know that (we) are (His) disciples...if (we) have love for one another." I hope that our identity in Christ will be apparent by our love. Let's invite God to make our hearts bigger for His glory, so that the more we receive, the more we may also give.

First world problems

This was a really convicting read for me. 

In a country as lavish and progressive as ours, it's easy to look around and find trivial areas in which we're "lacking". I know that I often act like every slight inconvenience that God hands my way is an utter crisis. Praying for grace to better acknowledge and appreciate every blessing.

"I’ll continue to joke about my “first world problems,” but after visiting Nicaragua I realize that my greatest first world problem is my spiritual poverty – my failure to realize that I rely on God for everything I have and everything I need." - Allison Griswold

First world problems - Lifeteen

"Apart from the cross, there is no other ladder by which we may get to heaven." 
-St. Rose of Lima

“It is not by sidestepping or fleeing from suffering that we are healed, but rather by our capacity for accepting it, maturing through it and finding meaning through union with Christ, who suffered with infinite love.”

“It is when we attempt to avoid suffering by withdrawing from anything that might involve hurt, when we try to spare ourselves the effort and pain of pursuing truth, love, and goodness, that we drift into a life of emptiness, in which there may be almost no pain, but the dark sensation of meaninglessness and abandonment is all the greater.”   - Pope BXVI

Words of Life

John 6: 64-68

"After this many of his disciples drew back and no longer went about with him. Jesus said to the twelve, "Do you also wish to go away?" Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."

Probably one of my favorite responses to Jesus. It says so much.

1. Jesus is Lord. They recognize who He is.
2. They know their place is to follow Him wherever He leads.
3. And they trust that where He leads is good.

Its so easy to judge all who were in the crowd that left, and to think, “They knew better. They’ve walked with him, they’ve seen the signs and miracles. They’ve witnessed His love and heard what he had preached. They should’ve remained with Him. They knew better.

But then I look at my own life, and I remember all the times I have failed to follow. And I can say the same thing. I knew better.

And a lot of days, I wake up and find myself in this place. I experience Christ, and yet…it’s like I’m still not fully following. I pick and choose when to follow in trust and when to go my own way.

How can we remain in Him and be dissatisfied? This is sin. This is the sin from which all sin came to be..the sin of the first man and woman. It is also one that grips us, whether we realize it or not. Our hearts don’t hope in Him sometimes…

But moments like these, we can unite ourselves to Peter's words. We, too, can recognize who He is, know our place, and trust in his unfailing goodness. We were made by Him and for Him. Where else could we find fulfillment? We could never look elsewhere to increase a joy that is only found in Him.

- God, break these walls and uproot whatever in me needs to be uprooted. Be my cornerstone.

Light in dark places

I've been debating whether or not I should post this for some time now. Honestly, I didn't want to rain on anyone's parade. I've always been the type to avoid public expressions of opinions on pretty much everything...which I'm not sure is a good thing.

But lately, I've been hearing a lot lot lot about a show called Game of Thrones that's become such a hit recently. And it really caught my attention. I used to never look up what anything was about before sitting down to watch a movie with a friend or browsing a t.v show. If it looked good,  I'd be open to watching. Recently though, I'm proud to say that I''ve become quite the IMDBer. So I IMDBed it. And Game of Thrones sounded super cool.

"7 noble families fight for control of the mythical land of Westheros...(IMDB)." Adventure, drama, fantasy. It really seemed like my kinda show. And it got good ratings (9.4/10). So I started to watch for myself to see what all the hype was about.

What I discovered when watching online was not impressive at all. In fact, it was the opposite of impressive. It was one big disappointment. This series has the most vulgar and disrespectful language that I've ever been exposed to in a television series, as well as the most graphic sexual content. Adultery, brothels, fornication, lots of nudity, implications of orgies, and the like are just a few of the types of  immoral content presented. Even the way women are talked about is objectifying and just plain disgusting. Basic concepts like power and control are completely distorted. Women are viewed as objects of pleasure.  And after watching, I was just so shocked that I felt, and still feel, the need to express it, openly and honestly.

What price will we pay for the sake of entertainment? I think shows like this are an attack on sexuality as a whole - on authentic masculinity, femininity, and the entire family unit. Since the origin of sin in the Garden, Satan has been feeding us lies about who we are and who we should become. And he hasn't had to come up with anything new since. Pretty much the same story, different setting. 

And you're probably thinking, "What's the big deal? It's just a show." But I believe that questions like that are part of the problem. We excuse things that we like and enjoy in order to dull our consciences, in order to continue liking and enjoying them without further thought or regard. People might also say that there are a lot of worse things you can watch, and that's probably true...but why watch any shows like this? I think another problem would be to say that these types of shows are only for a certain “type” of audience…perhaps older, more “open-minded”, etc. I think people will claim that it’s just not for younger audiences. That it doesn’t hurt them or affect them. Again, the “what’s the big deal” claim.. But I strongly believe that it isn’t just younger audiences that shouldn’t view it..it’s not good for anyone. And sometimes, that’s the point. We might justify things and defend the belief that they aren’t that bad…but at the same time…it’s clear that they’re not good. Why fill our hearts and minds with that which does not inspire us to be better? Some things are time wasters…and in my opinion, even if a person says that shows like this don’t affect the way they think, speak, and act…it’s a waste of God-given time.

But the bigger disappointment, more than the show, for me is society's response to it.

Shows like Game of Thrones make me think, "What has happened to all the men that seek to protect, honor, and uphold the dignity of women? Where are the godly men, and why are they being silent? And what happened to women who are confident enough to say, "Enough's enough. This stuff is offensive, degrading, and just plain trashy."

Matthew 5:15 states, “What good is it to have light and hide it under a basket?”

I read that, and I think, “Duhhh..why would anyone have a light on and then cover it? Waste of electricity.”…but it isn’t that simple. I don’t think we realize how easy it is to hide a light and settle for dimness, darkness.

If we want to be a generation that stands up for the Kingdom, we must live out our identities as male and female in the way that God intended – upholding the order, beauty, and sacredness of love. Let’s stay away from things that detract us from being fully ourselves in Christ. 

This quote has been a real source of inspiration for me:
"True holiness does not mean a flight from the world; rather, it lies in the effort to incarnate the Gospel in everyday life, in the family, at school and at work, and in social and political involvement." (Blessed JPII)

If we, as Christians, desire to live out the Gospel, then we must strive to do so in every instance, at every occasion, at all times. This means saying "no" to all those things that are not good for us - not good for our eyes, ears, hearts. But this also means saying "yes" to everything that will ground our hearts in Him. For it is written:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
(Philippians 4:8)

Let's choose to be lights in dark places. A little light can brighten up a whole room. Let's turn the world upside down through our choice of lifestyle. God is able to do so much when we make even the tiniest changes in how we live...whether its saying no to certain music and t.v shows, using disrespectful language, whatever! Let's be unashamed to live lives that bring Him glory and turn away from all that doesn't. Be blessed today.

I know this post ended up being super long. Thanks for sticking it out :)

scattered thoughts

Love and responsibility. Nowadays, I feel like the two words seem to have little association. But love in its truest sense cannot exist without a sense of responsibility. The two are intricately connected by their very nature.

To authentically love something or someone demands that the person seek its ultimate good above or beyond their own. It is nourished and cultivated by this sense of responsibility over another, which it naturally bears.

And that's what it means to love as Christ loves.

"Real love is demanding. I would fail in my mission if I did not tell you so. Love demands a personal commitment to the will of God." - John Paul II
--Pope John Paul II

"God often achieves his most awesome victories in the humblest ways: a childless old man leaves home without even knowing where he's going; a threatened baby in a basket is set afloat on a river; a shepherd boy armed with only a sling and five smooth stones faces a giant. In the last case, who in their wildest imagination could have foreseen the shepherd boy being crowned king of Israel and thus paving the way for the carpenter who would be the King of Kings." - Scott Hahn

"If you follow the will of God, you know that in spite of all the terrible things that happen to you, you will never lose a final refuge. You know that the foundation of the world is love, so that even when no human being can or will help you, you may go on, trusting in the One that loves you."
— Pope Benedict XVI

"To consider God as within us, and ourselves as existing in God: to live under the eye of Jesus Christ by means of recollection, in His hands by resignation, and at His feet by humility and a sincere acknowledgement of our miseries, is to live really as Christians; for we can only be such in proportion as we are devoted to Jesus Christ. Why then are we so much and so frequently attracted by news, curiosities, and vanity, and so little interested with God, our duties, and our salvation? It is because we are indifferent to the things of eternity, and too much attached to those things which pass away with time. Let us, therefore, begin to be now what we hope to be forever - occupied only with God, in God, and for God." - St.Louis de Montfort

"Love is a mystery that transforms everything it touches into things beautiful and pleasing to God. The love of God makes a soul free." - From the Diary of St.Faustina

A new song

This song has been my anthem for some time now.

"Far off hymns and funeral marches sound the same again
My ears are worn and weary strangers in a strange land
And I need a new song
I need a new song

And all I am is breath and vapour and shadows
And all I have is what I need, this I know
That I need a new song
Yeah I need a new song

Waiting in the night for you Lord
Waiting in the sky for you, you ohh

There's an aching in my body, in my lungs
This web of bones around my heart are coming undone
As I, I need a new song
I need a new song

So I’m waiting in the night for you Lord
Waiting in the sky for you, you
Waiting in the night for you, you
I’m waiting in the sky for you

Words are failing
My melodies falter
My voice is breaking
My heart is burning
‘Cause blessing and honour
Glory and power
Praise and worship
They belong to you

I need a new I need a new
Need a new I need a new
Need a new I sing a new song

Far off hymns and funeral marches
All I am is breath and vapour and shadows
And all I have is what I need and this I know"

I imagine Adam sought his “new song” as he experienced the weight of sin, the burden of labor, and the disunity created through disobedience.
Noah must have prayed this as he witnessed the rampant wickedness of mankind.
Abraham must have felt this on the three-day journey to Mount Moriah to offer his son as a sacrifice. The son he and Sara had long awaited. The son that God had finally blessed them with.
This must have also been the anthem of Moses and the Israelites, as they journeyed in the desert heat for four decades.
The same for all who came after these. I think we all have these moments. Moments in our lives where we feel completely worn out while seeking God. Feeling a sort of numbness but continuing to follow. And we pray and pray for a “new song.”

I’ve been struggling through an “I need a new song” period. As I’d discerned God’s will for me in my life, school, and ministry in the past year or so, I came to understand the direction that God desired for me to take. But on so many levels, it was a difficult one…and pretty much what felt like the absolute last thing I wanted to do.

But I must share that as I pray and trust through the difficulties of treading through unfamiliar land, I am slowly beginning to understand the beauty of the journey.

Often times, we interpret things the way we want to. If we want something to be right, we’ll make it right…no matter how wrong it actually is.” Sometimes God says, “No” but our disillusioned hearts hear “Let’s go!” But I’m learning more and more that, a red light is a red light, even if you excuse yourself by saying that you’re driving to an awesome place like church. Lol. Because there really is no way like God’s way.

It’s so easy to doubt these red lights in our lives. To ask God, “Why?” But most of the time, we’ll never fully understand the whys. And the beauty lies in the mystery…in the call to trust in His goodness. As St. Paul writes, “At present, we indistinctly, but then face to face.” And for the meantime, I’m realizing that I must trust wholeheartedly in God’s promises.

Because our Father is one who keeps His promises.

I think I had been acting a lot like Eve, who sought to grasp and possess the fruit out of distrust of God’s graciousness. And like Sara, who after being told that God would bless Abraham will countless descendants, told Abraham to lie with Hagar to take into her own hands what God had already promised to fulfill. I am often an impatient person. I want to speed things up sometimes, instead of remembering that God brings all things to completion.

Trusting that God has a plan is the first step, but we must not try to fulfill that plan in our own way, in the way that we believe best suits us. God must also initiate the fulfillment of His plan. We must remember our place. We simply cooperate with God’s initiative work. And taking His desires into our own hands shows a lack of patience, trust, and reverence.

In Christ, we discover what perfect obedience, perfect love, and perfect fulfillment mean. He said, “It is finished” and breathed His last.

This is what we celebrate this Easter and, ultimately, this is what we seek: to unite ourselves to Christ – “the way, the truth, and the life.” This is the utmost desire of our hearts, whether we realize it or not. It is what we were made for.

But to truly “walk with God” we must follow in the way that He desires us to follow. And that’s often one of the hardest parts. Most of the time, I’d rather “follow” in my own way.
However, one thing (of the many things) we can take in from those before us, who paved the way, is this:

If God wants to take you in circles to get somewhere, go in circles. If he wants you to spend forty years in the desert…let him. And rejoice in it! If God wants you to have your cake and eat it too, then eat it and praise His name. If he doesn’t, then don’t…and still give Him thanks. Each day in Christ is one in which we must give thanks and walk humbly with God. Whenever we find ourselves in unknown land, we can find solace and assurance in the truth of His promises. This is so much easier said than done…but let's have faith that God will provide the grace needed to respond to Him.
I’m not sure if any of this made any sense at all, but I hope our Lord will use my sharing this. Have a blessed Easter season.

"Once united with the crucified Christ, we begin to understand that everywhere else, sin is excused, sin is discounted, sin is denied, sin explained away, but only at the foot of the cross do we ever experience the divine contradiction that sin is forgiven." Archbishop Fulton Sheen

In the desert

I was so encouraged by Fr.Alfonse's blog today (just like every other day, lol)...but this time I really felt called to share :)

http://fralfonse.blogspot.com/2012/03/john-314-21-god-loves-us.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+DailyMeditationsWithFrAlfonse+%28Daily+Meditations+with+Fr.+Alfonse%29

I remember as I began preparing for Lent, looking into my interior life at all my attachments, "harmless" addictions, habits I can do without, struggles and wanting to pretty much change everything about me. It's so easy to notice areas of weakness and seek a sudden and complete transformation. But God helped me understand that some things take time, and that I need to let Him take the lead. And each day so far has been a gentle and rewarding reminder of that.

During Lent sometimes, it seems so natural to keep simply counting down the days and "wait it out", but God is always calling us to be active where we are at - here and now. To be fully committed to loving and serving Him in every way that we can. If we merely look forward to what comes after Lent, we will forget what our journey in the desert with Christ truly means.

God desires to use this time to transfigure us a little more in His image as we meditate on Christ - His temptation, passion, suffering, and death.

Our 40 days are about just that as well. Fighting temptation with the help of our Lord, dying to ourselves daily, and uniting ourselves to the suffering of Christ. The more I empty myself, the more God is able to fill me.

I'm realizing throughout the season the need to be a little kinder to my neighbor, a little more patient with those around me, a little more giving with my time, a little more reliant on God, a little less selfish and a little more selfless.

We've come so far on our Lenten journeys, but it's more important than ever to press on..to keep fighting the fight. And often the barriers like sin we're fighting comes in so many different disguises that we fail to recognize them. They can include neglecting the needs of others, hoarding God-given gifts of time and talent, and failing to pray. But St.Paul urges us to finish the race and persevere through God's grace and provision.

Praying for you as you seek Him.

If we try to escape sadness by seeking our consolation in sleep,we will fail to find what we are seeking, for we will lose in sleep the consolation we might have recieved from God if we had stayed awake and prayed.

-- St. Thomas More

He is such a smart man.

"I am sensible of my natural corruption, which renders me incapable of all supernatural good and prone to all evil: but I cast myself on the mercies of a God who can bring much out of little, as He produced all things out of nothing; since it is not sufficient for me to know my own nothingness, and that I ought to glory in nothing, save only in my infirmities; I should also (for this is most important) be guided by a humble diffidence in myself, and a firm confidence in God, to whom nothing is impossible. When I find no consolation in man, then it is I feed indeed the happy necessity of having recourse to God, and of depending upon Him: happy that, all being wanting to me without Thee, O Lord, I should find my all in Thee!" - St.Louis de Montefort

Here's an excerpt from the Pope Benedict's message for Lent this year as we prepare to make this 40-day journey:

“Dear Brothers and Sisters,

The Lenten season offers us once again an opportunity to reflect upon the very heart of Christian life: charity. This is a favourable time to renew our journey of faith, both as individuals and as a community, with the help of the word of God and the sacraments. This journey is one marked by prayer and sharing, silence and fasting, in anticipation of the joy of Easter.

This year I would like to propose a few thoughts in the light of a brief biblical passage drawn from the Letter to the Hebrews: "Let us be concerned for each other, to stir a response in love and good works". These words are part of a passage in which the sacred author exhorts us to trust in Jesus Christ as the High Priest who has won us forgiveness and opened up a pathway to God. Embracing Christ bears fruit in a life structured by the three theological virtues: it means approaching the Lord "sincere in heart and filled with faith" (v. 22), keeping firm "in the hope we profess" (v. 23) and ever mindful of living a life of "love and good works" (v. 24) together with our brothers and sisters. The author states that to sustain this life shaped by the Gospel it is important to participate in the liturgy and community prayer, mindful of the eschatological goal of full communion in God (v. 25). Here I would like to reflect on verse 24, which offers a succinct, valuable and ever timely teaching on the three aspects of Christian life: concern for others, reciprocity and personal holiness.”

But the entire message is just sooo pertinent, as preparation for Lent and to be daily applied as a part of living the way of Christ. I would encourage everyone to read it at: http://www.zenit.org/article-34255?l=english

Trusting that God would use every part of me, even my weakness. I know that this is true even on days when weakness is all I see. More power to Him.

"Eager anticipation should be the essence of our entire earthly journey toward heaven where, at long last, we will meet our God face to face, our knowledge of him will be confirmed, and our faith in his love will be rewarded." Homegrown Faith

‎"Who except God can give you peace? Has the world ever been able to satisfy the heart?" -- St. Gerard Majella

On faith and sharing

Something that God has been speaking loudly and clearly to me lately: "You have been blessed. Now, go and bless others."

I've been thinking a lot about my call as a Christian to evangelize and to make proclaiming Christ the center of my day to day encounters, even in just my small areas of influence. I think it's true that Christians in this country can easily take the gift of faith for granted. And faith is just that…a gift. A gift that was given to be shared - freely and graciously. I wish that I always lived with that realization.

Where would I be if no one had shared the truth of Christ to me? Where would we all be if the apostles had not been obedient to Christ by going and preaching the gospel to all nations? If they had not considered sharing the faith they had received and oneness in Jesus worth sacrificing all else...

Just something to think about. :)

"We live our lives in dependence on such casual common benefits as air and water; so Our Lord is pleased to receive from us in return the thousands of unimportant actions and the trifling details that make up our lives-provided that we see even in our sorrows the shade of His hand outstretched caressingly. Here is the whole secret of sanctity; the method is available to everyone and deserves particular notice from those who ask "What can I do"? For many good souls are hungry to do great things for God. They complain that they have no opportunities for heroic virtue, no chance at the apostolate. They would be martyrs but when a meal is late or a bus is crowded; when the theater is filled or the dance postponed or the bacon overdone, they are upset for a whole day. They miss their opportunities for loving God in the little things He asks of them.

- Archbishop Fulton Sheen (Lift up Your Heart)