“If everything is Yours…I’m letting it go. It was never mine to hold.” - Audrey Assad (Everything is Yours)
Something God has been drilling in my head since I reached here: Everything is His.
I think God knew that I needed this reminder during my time away from home. I was so concerned before leaving about how I could get through this month without my usual comforts. My dad told me that I could bring my laptop and that when we got to Kerela, he’d set up internet for me. So during my week in Bombay, we kept my laptop packed up in the laptop bag on the floor in our room. And I was anxiously awaiting getting to Kerela. But I guess God sometimes has better plans for us than we have for ourselves ;) God truly desired more for me. When someone came to give us the internet card thingy, after we’d reached Kerela, we discovered that my computer wasn’t working. The people at the computer store told us that my hard drive was broken and could not be replaced. When they took apart my laptop, they found it filled with tons and tons of ants! I still can’t believe it. I didn’t even know that could happen. I guess bringing my laptop to India was a bad idea…
So not only was I not going to be able to use my laptop here after all…everything I will most likely lose everything I’ve ever saved on my laptop - all that I’ve written over the past 3 years. This was a heart-breaking lesson for me. But one that I really needed. The computer people don’t know how bad the damage is on the media card, so they gave me the old hard drive so that when I get back the U.S. I can see if there is a way to retrieve some old data. I know that if God wants me to have it, He’ll provide a way. But if not, then I need to be okay with that.
That’s actually why I decided to start this blog. I realized that for the past few years God really put so much on my heart that I would write about and save on my laptop. But I could have shared what He’s teaching me with others so that others can also be blessed by what I learn. We’re all learning. And God made us to live in community with others so that we can experience unity with Him and lead each other to unity with Him.
All that I have is a gracious gift from my heavenly Father. If I am stripped of every earthly possession that I’ve attempted to store up over time, I still have everything in Christ Jesus. He is my all.
I’m discovering how temporary nature of earthly goods. Nothing lasts. In time, all “things” are lost or broken. This might sound pessimistic. But my intention is really to attempt to understand and take in this reality.
Only a few days later, our Lord thought I needed another reminder of this lesson I’d learned.
I have this necklace - a silver chain with a small crystal cross on it. My sister gave it to me a few years ago and I’ve worn it all the time ever since. The chain just randomly broke, and then I tried to fix it by tying it together temporarily. I figured that I could get a replace the chain and keep the locket. But then a few hours later, I found the broken chain on the floor and the locket was nowhere to be found.
Sometimes we get so caught up on symbols that we forget the greater reality that they are meant to communicate. I love that I can wear a cross around my neck as jewelry while at the same time identify myself as a Christian to the people around me. In a way, it acts as a kind of testimony. But I’m held accoutntible for it, because if I “talk the talk” I have to “walk the walk”. The world is looking to me to be a believer. So by the way that I live, I’m either witnessing to Christ or testifying against him. My cross locket it is a symbol of Christ and the cross, but looking beyond symbols…it is more important that Christ lives in my heart.
It's really not a big deal. But when I lost it, I was disappointed because it was pretty. But again I had to say, “Okay, Lord, have it. It’s for you anyway.” God is teaching me not to get too attached to anything. I really appreciate the reminders.
And I think this idea of everything being ultimately His should extend into every aspect of our lives - our relationships, our time, our possessions. Because when we have look at everything we experience from this perspective, it frees us to love all the more.
